SPARK THE CHEMISTRY
SPARK THE CHEMISTRY
.............after some initial years, it becomes more convenience, adaptability, comfort, compatibility…………or whatever you name, but not ‘romance’ and ‘love’.
.............after some initial years, it becomes more convenience, adaptability, comfort, compatibility…………or whatever you name, but not ‘romance’ and ‘love’.
One of my friends, a lecturer in IIM Ahmedabad once told me that they (she along with her husband) were deciding to join the dance class “Salsa”. My knowledge of “Salsa” is very limited, except that it’s a sensuous dance form of Latin America. I was generally surprised. For last fifteen years that I know her, she had shown any kind on interest towards anything, but definitely not dances. Obviously I couldn’t stop myself from asking her the reason behind that sudden change of interest. “Well….to spark the chemistry”, she said jokingly. I didn’t think much seriously at that moment about her reason “to spark the chemistry”. They had been college day’s sweetheart and now married for six years or so. I can still feel the strong chemistry between them. I don’t think they actually “need” to spark the chemistry. But sometimes, many times people in fact need effort to bring back the “spark” to their chemistry.
We often talk about ‘chemistry between the couple’. But what actually this chemistry means? It’s the vibe, the frequency, the invisible thread that ties two heart, mind and body. It’s not only physical. The physical chemistry is the visible form of it, but the strongest bond is that of two minds and two souls. The strong most chemistry can be described as “a single soul dwelling in two bodies”.
Be it mental or physical, the fire is generally reduced with time unless you keep it burning. The “time” diminishes little passion and increases the great ones, just like the way the wind blows out a candle but fans a fire. Slowly and slowly, the passing years create a thin gap between the individual spaces of you two, may be out of compulsion or constraints, which gets wider with every passage of time. The reasons are many and in fact genuine. As the time passes, the woman gets busier in running the affairs of the household, looking after children, taking care of her husband that she almost forgets about the factor called ‘romance’. If she is into a job also, her time schedule gets even tighter. In the traditional Indian family, the man is mostly concerned about earning for the family, protecting it from external factors and managing affairs of the family. After he is back from his job, even if he has time for his lady love, she may not be able to find some exclusive time with him. Children are always there, if not physically but within their head, and nothing become exclusive for the two of them. After the initial dreamy phase is over, she is no more interested about many happenings of your professional life and friend circle. In fact, it’s not easy to explain her so many ‘who’, ‘why’ and ‘how’ of your outside world. You find the ladies’ talk boring and useless. She prefers to go to market with her children instead of you. And you are happy that she is not troubling you with endless list of shopping. These do not mean some perceptible serious problem. But you two may become more busy or absorbed in your individual life instead of spending time together, thinking for each other, yearning for each other. So, everything is fine, the household is running smoothly, but, where’s the ‘love’ & ‘romance’?
You may be a good family person, taking care of your family, for peace and happiness of everyone of your family. But, she is no more “special” for you. Long back you’ve stopped thinking about her specially, treating her specially, caring for her specially, and putting effort to make her happy or smile specially. She is more a part of your family, a part of your life, the mother of your children, rather than “special someone of your life”. Her mere presence does not excite you the way it used to do, her mere words does not thrill you the way it used to be, her mere smile does not unfold the beauty of this world to you. You don’t see her face any more while closing your eyes every time. You don’t see the world in her eyes any more. You don’t awake all night thinking something she said. Do you remember the last time you’ve done something exclusively just to make her happy? It may be as simple as taking her out for dinner with no occasion, plan an unexpected outing or holiday or prepare a surprise meal. But even theses simple things do not take place. And life goes on and on, sailing smoothly with life’s logistics taking a front seat and love & romance taking a back hand.
It happens in most of the cases. In the extreme example, we may say that, after some initial years, it becomes more convenience, adaptability, comfort, compatibility…………or whatever you name, but not ‘romance’ and ‘visible love’. By ‘visible love’ I’m not talking about flaunting love in public, I’m meaning, ‘expressing love for each other’. I find it severely heartbreaking to see two genuine people fall out of love twenty years after marriage for no apparent reason. You still love her, but you are not “in love” with her. (There’s a thin line that differentiate “loving a person” from “being in love” with that person. You may love your pet dog, your home, your children, your job…………but you are not ‘in love’ with them, right?) Love may be still there, but it is no more the driving force of your relationship.
No matter how strong was the chemistry between you two, the initial spark, the passion, and the tingling sensation is going to be reduced in due course of time. So, it’s always better to decipher something else to take the place, something that you two enjoy doing together, to carry on the ‘love’ between you two intact, to keep the chemistry within you and mostly, to prevent the natural tendency of drifting away and leading individual life within the close bond of family.
[P.S. Here “she” holds true for “he” too and “her” holds true for “him” too].
-Anneshwa
-Anneshwa
© Anneshwa., all rights reserved.
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